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After six years, seven seasons and however many days it all adds up to…Abby quit. But to fully understand the impact of all these shenanigans, we need to start at the beginning. Please do enjoy this recap of all the deets that have been made public up to this point. Like maybe this place that Chloe cryptically posted on her IG account, which immediately caused two thirds of the country’s youth to stop doing their homework and start texting crying emojis way past their bedtime.

And what ever happened to that front door picnic bench that Jill bought Abby way back when she was or wasn’t an OG? The whereabouts of that bench and the stuffed dog is why I have trust issues.

They also apparently require your Dad to build you a time machine because their current website lists 2015’s holiday hours and a big full page blurb announcing Revue tickets that are going on sale 3 months ago if you click a non-existent link. But then I saw the restraining device under all her new hair. PLEEEEZ tell me you saw Christi’s social media post the day she was getting her hair did for the Teen Choice Awards. Why are all those cars going in so many different directions? And how hilarious is it that she took the long way to MDP just so they could drive by the prison where Abby is going to be staying? Set your GPS…I feel some Sunday road trips coming on.

They require sewn-in elastic on ballet and pointe shoes (…no wire hangers or tied together footies…) and only give you 5 minutes to fix your hair before rehearsal if you show up a hot a** mess after school. So aside from the fact the MDP website dress code repeatedly stated boy’s knees needed to be visible so many times that I felt momentarily violated, I was also questioning why Christi’s new car was equipped with one of those fish eye spy cams and if she knew it and why she wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

It was the long awaited return of Chloebird and my #Cyber Spirit Animal this week! After endlessly looped promos and pop-ups spliced into and onto that new So Sharp show you should totally be watching, Chloe Lukasiak, Mom Christi and the no-longer-a-baby Baby Clara finally made it back home to where they belong: Dance Moms.

And if you don’t know who Laurieann is…then Lawd Geezis, you better just Google it asap.

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